Anything, Anywhere But Under Sufferance

Frankie Boyle's comments have sparked some debate this week. If you don't know the story, then the ginger haired lovechild of a Proclaimer and Rasputin, who nose seems to extort an inordinate gravitational pull on his features, decided that Katie Price's disabled child Harvey was a good topic for a joke or two on his Tramadol Nights TV show. So, its come to this has it? Accusing disabled children of attempting to rape their mother, to get a laugh? This is no "Pro Katie & Peter" rant, believe me, that sycophantic, silicone induced tart gets a lot of what she deserves, but I don't think any parent, regardless of who they are should be forced to listen to someone doing that, for entertainment purposes only. Boyle however won't care. His argument will be, if it is funny it is funny. Tough. Don't listen if you don't want to. Its hard to argue against that. Censorship in comedy doesn't work. The best comedy is edgy, funny and hard hitting. Howeve...

Whisper it quietly, but Atheism is so last year. You can barely pick up a Sunday supplement these days without the book review section containing some polemic against religion. Dawkins, Hitchens and co's swelling ranks of non-believers have found a voice and an audience but, by God (or not), they just won't shut up will they? Every review of anything literary that analyses the question of religion or belief always ends up with some cautionary tale of the dangers of aggressive atheism. These deranged psychopaths with their out-of-the-box non-beliefs, stating their points of view in a VERY agitated manner! Well, that is not just the done thing is it! Let's stick a Fatwah on their heads. Indeed reading these reviews makes enjoyable reading for the utter banality of it all. Rather than take issue with the points raised, the issue now seems to be to take issue with how the point is raised. Yeah, we know you think God doesn't exist, but do you have to be so rude about it...

I don't profess to have any great ear for music. My attempts to bang a tune out of a piano range from mildly-ineffective to outrageously offensive. Despite that, I know what I like and my tastes have a wide range. So here are 25 of my favourite songs that may not be top of your hit parade, but which should be. Chiefly because, all of them are brilliant for one reason or another. 1. Words - The Doves - My sister got me into this album a while back and while the other songs didn't catch my ear, this one did. It has also been used as the music on Match of the Day I think a few years back. A superb song, great melody and simple tune that is catchy from the moment you hear it. Think Coldplay's 'Clocks', only better. 2. Life in a Northern Town - Dream Academy - A truly haunting and lyrical song which is stunningly evocative for a variety of reasons. It may hanker to a bygone era, with the gentle bassoon giving it a kind of "Emmerdale Farm" when Annie Sugden was ...

In a blog post a while back, I moaned on about a visit from some misguided Jehovah's Witnesses (I feel confident in making that assertion now after speaking to my friend, who assured me they were not weird enough to be Mormons). However, in terms of toasting on God's eternal bottom-spike of damnation, they are safe, because way before them in the queue will be cold-calling energy company salesmen, the like of whom have passed my way in recent times. Now, I do not wish to tar everyone who does this with the same brush. I have had a lot of callers, haven't we all? But not all of them have been like the people I will go on to describe. Others are happy to accept what I say and leave with a smile. It is not they that this tirade is against. Christ knows, it is a thankless job. But cretins like I met today, make it that way. It started with, as usual, a ring on the doorbell. Awaiting several postal deliveries for Christmas presents, I didn't take a peek out of the window bef...

I have a very odd relationship with clothes. Of course, they are a necessity. The very thought of me bumbling around the locality in the buff is plainly alarming. The thought of everyone else doing so fills me with a combination of peculiar interest and utter dread. Remember, for every Catherine Zeta-Jones, there are 20 Gillian McKeith's. It isn't their inherent importance that baffles me, but more the importance placed upon them by some people and not wishing to make an offensive and unfounded sweeping generalisation here but... ... I think if you judge someone on how they are dressed, then you are a complete arse of the highest order. For me, clothes are entirely functional. Fashion doesn't enter into my criteria. Now those who know me, and who are particularly cruel/astute (delete as appropriate) would no doubt venture the opinion : "Ha! But that's because you are such a wobble-monster that you can't find stuff to fit you!" And while this isn't stri...

I'm blogging this now just a few minutes after it happened as it was one of the happiest moments of my life. I have seen the light. Working away upstairs, the doorbell went and thinking it was the postman, I scuttled down the stairs, told the dogs to hush and opened the porch door to be met with shadows. Two of them, one tall, one short, one male and one female. Both well dressed. I knew who it was going to be before I regrettably opened the door to be met with two cheery faces and with a question along the lines of "Do you ever think we are going to have true happiness in the world for everyone?" I was feeling quite chipper this morning. My cold is easing off and I am hoping to go the gym later and for a swim. I'd just finished a bit of work and so I decided to see what they were on about, rather than feign some important work-related issue to facilitate my closing the door immediately on them. I discovered their names were Dale and Lesley. Dale was the chap, a tall ...

Here are all the questions from "The Good Book" all answered fulsomely in as much detail as you ever need to know, and I should know, Descartes told me. 1. What Happens when I drop an Ant? A. It looks for another life-partner. Lets face it, it isn't going to be stuck for choice and most of them are going to be better looking. 2. Why is the Pole Vaulting World Record about 6.5 metres and why can't it be broken? A. Because the laws of physics say so. Besides, it is so fantastically dull and pointless as a sport, most people would prefer to eat one of their own lungs or watch crown green bowls than sit through three hours of barely pronouncable foreigners boinging about the screen. 3. If you could go back in time to any period in history, when would it be and why? A. The moment of creation, so I could come back later and say "See? I told you so." 4. Are you Cool? A. No, I've a jumper on and the central heating is up a little too high. 5. If there was an omn...