Apple
What do you think of Apple?
Do you love your iPod, iPad, iPhone? Are you a Mac convert? Are you one of the increasing number of single (they are always single, usually wearing glasses and an inane grin) masturbatory technosouls, who wets themselves at the opening of a new Apple shop and queues overnight to get your hands on their latest, overprice technological masterstroke?
I have to admit, where Apple score highly is in design. All the Apple products look rather polished and rather attractive. Compared to a Mac, most PC's resemble and 1970s Volvo estate. The iPhone design has been flagrantly copied by other companies (though at least the antenna works on theirs) and the iPod is a thing of beauty. Even I've got one of those, although this necessitated a trip to the Apple store the other week.
Now to get this, I had to phone Apple customer support, where I waited for a Dutch lady to tediously, yet cheerfully, go through all the things I had done on the website previously before informing me that I needed to go to the 'Genius Bar' in Liverpool to have my issue resolved. She booked me an appointment with a 'genius' to resolve my issue.
The term conjures up the notion of the old "Tefal" advert. Hugely domed foreheaded people, wandering around with clipboards and screwdrivers, fixing things with an ease of expertise that leaves mere mortals dribbling their gratitude and bowing graciously as they leave.
Now this is where I begin to lose a little patience with Apple. I went to the Genius Bar in Liverpool and was met by a child, with a predilection for piercings of the mouth. I think he may have even reached puberty. He told me his name and my details, asked what the problem was with my iPod - all through the clatter of metal on teeth which I found a little disconcerting. In informed him of my issue, which basically was that the LED screen on my iPod wasn't working.
He looked at it, looked down a hole and told me that because there was a pink dot down it, that the ipod had come into contact with water and hence, the LED screen wasn't working. Also he gravely informed me that this wasn't covered by warranty, but the good news was I could 'recycle' my ipod and get a same one, for another £70, or they could offer me a replacement for £89.
I was bowled over by their generosity. So much so I snorted somewhat derisively, which made his nose ring jiggle and his piercings in his lip play a merry tune.
When I queried I was unsure how the iPod could have come into contact with water, as I had had it barely eight months and had used it sporadically and indeed only used it previously at the gym, the 'genius' leapt upon this to inform me that 'it doesn't take much water to cause it... if you've been at the gym some sweat may have got in there, or something.' At least I think that was what he said, it was like trying to listen to a teacher explain something while the dance troop Stomp performed their usual cacopony of banging metallic objects together in the background.
Considering this, I merely stated that the notion that a drop of sweat can invalidate a warranty was hardly a cracking advertisement or endorsement for the quality of the Apple design build and reliability.
Now, stop and think about that for a while. My ipod was over £100 last Xmas. It comes with a years warranty. It is a device allowing you to listen to music, take photos and video on the move. It is fair to assume that this may well be in an environment where water is present. Maybe a kitchen, maybe outside on holiday by a pool, or in a gym (where the i-pod murdering sweat lies in wait in abundance)
Only it seems if you are foolish enough to do so, especially in an environment where even the tiniest traces of water could be present, then you are likely to invalidate that warranty. I know. A genius told me.
Fortunately, in Britain it never rains and people don't sweat at the gym. So the vast majority of ipod owners are safe from their machine failing and thus invalidating their warranty.
The reason I didn't push it further was because I DID know why my ipod had been indulging in a little aqua aerobics. It had been through the washing machine (and tumble dryer). It was hardly the foresight of a genius to put my machine through this, so I couldn't really be bothered arguing. It still works, I just can't see the screen very well. So its my fault. I was just chancing my arm...
But 'Genius Bar'? Purleeze. I've had more enlightening conversations with my belly button. Apples real genius is in marketing machines that makes people believe they really want and need them, then wriggling out of offering any form of warranty or decent technical support when they fail, instead gifting themselves any possible loophole to get out of providing you with a machine that is reliable and lasts.
I'm not the only person who believes it, there is a long list of people who are very unhappy with Apple's customer service record and who had far greater and valid claims to a replacement than I.
Anyway, I'm getting a new £5 MP3 player from Ebay. It plays the same music I like, is robust enough to withstand the gym, the dread of sweat and other water-based terrors, such as my washing machine and if it does go tits up, it is a hell of a lot cheaper to replace and I don't have to speak to a pre-pubescent twonk who blames a machines failure on excessive sweat drippage.
And it didn't take a genius to work that out, either.
Do you love your iPod, iPad, iPhone? Are you a Mac convert? Are you one of the increasing number of single (they are always single, usually wearing glasses and an inane grin) masturbatory technosouls, who wets themselves at the opening of a new Apple shop and queues overnight to get your hands on their latest, overprice technological masterstroke?
I have to admit, where Apple score highly is in design. All the Apple products look rather polished and rather attractive. Compared to a Mac, most PC's resemble and 1970s Volvo estate. The iPhone design has been flagrantly copied by other companies (though at least the antenna works on theirs) and the iPod is a thing of beauty. Even I've got one of those, although this necessitated a trip to the Apple store the other week.
Now to get this, I had to phone Apple customer support, where I waited for a Dutch lady to tediously, yet cheerfully, go through all the things I had done on the website previously before informing me that I needed to go to the 'Genius Bar' in Liverpool to have my issue resolved. She booked me an appointment with a 'genius' to resolve my issue.
The term conjures up the notion of the old "Tefal" advert. Hugely domed foreheaded people, wandering around with clipboards and screwdrivers, fixing things with an ease of expertise that leaves mere mortals dribbling their gratitude and bowing graciously as they leave.
Now this is where I begin to lose a little patience with Apple. I went to the Genius Bar in Liverpool and was met by a child, with a predilection for piercings of the mouth. I think he may have even reached puberty. He told me his name and my details, asked what the problem was with my iPod - all through the clatter of metal on teeth which I found a little disconcerting. In informed him of my issue, which basically was that the LED screen on my iPod wasn't working.
He looked at it, looked down a hole and told me that because there was a pink dot down it, that the ipod had come into contact with water and hence, the LED screen wasn't working. Also he gravely informed me that this wasn't covered by warranty, but the good news was I could 'recycle' my ipod and get a same one, for another £70, or they could offer me a replacement for £89.
I was bowled over by their generosity. So much so I snorted somewhat derisively, which made his nose ring jiggle and his piercings in his lip play a merry tune.
When I queried I was unsure how the iPod could have come into contact with water, as I had had it barely eight months and had used it sporadically and indeed only used it previously at the gym, the 'genius' leapt upon this to inform me that 'it doesn't take much water to cause it... if you've been at the gym some sweat may have got in there, or something.' At least I think that was what he said, it was like trying to listen to a teacher explain something while the dance troop Stomp performed their usual cacopony of banging metallic objects together in the background.
Considering this, I merely stated that the notion that a drop of sweat can invalidate a warranty was hardly a cracking advertisement or endorsement for the quality of the Apple design build and reliability.
Now, stop and think about that for a while. My ipod was over £100 last Xmas. It comes with a years warranty. It is a device allowing you to listen to music, take photos and video on the move. It is fair to assume that this may well be in an environment where water is present. Maybe a kitchen, maybe outside on holiday by a pool, or in a gym (where the i-pod murdering sweat lies in wait in abundance)
Only it seems if you are foolish enough to do so, especially in an environment where even the tiniest traces of water could be present, then you are likely to invalidate that warranty. I know. A genius told me.
Fortunately, in Britain it never rains and people don't sweat at the gym. So the vast majority of ipod owners are safe from their machine failing and thus invalidating their warranty.
The reason I didn't push it further was because I DID know why my ipod had been indulging in a little aqua aerobics. It had been through the washing machine (and tumble dryer). It was hardly the foresight of a genius to put my machine through this, so I couldn't really be bothered arguing. It still works, I just can't see the screen very well. So its my fault. I was just chancing my arm...
But 'Genius Bar'? Purleeze. I've had more enlightening conversations with my belly button. Apples real genius is in marketing machines that makes people believe they really want and need them, then wriggling out of offering any form of warranty or decent technical support when they fail, instead gifting themselves any possible loophole to get out of providing you with a machine that is reliable and lasts.
I'm not the only person who believes it, there is a long list of people who are very unhappy with Apple's customer service record and who had far greater and valid claims to a replacement than I.
Anyway, I'm getting a new £5 MP3 player from Ebay. It plays the same music I like, is robust enough to withstand the gym, the dread of sweat and other water-based terrors, such as my washing machine and if it does go tits up, it is a hell of a lot cheaper to replace and I don't have to speak to a pre-pubescent twonk who blames a machines failure on excessive sweat drippage.
And it didn't take a genius to work that out, either.
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