Ian the Golfer
As you may now, I play golf. A lot. Usually quite badly. Occasionally the golfing gods may be kind and permit me a decent round or two, but this is far from certain whenever I tee the ball up, take out a club and attempt to thump the ball down the fairway (or hook/slice it into the trees, which is more usually the result of my efforts)
My friend Ian and I have been playing a fair bit this year. Losing weight and the resulting improvement in my back, has resulted in me replacing my trips to the fridge and sweetie shop, with trips to the course and driving range. This is indubitably more expensive, but while it is costing me £s it is saving me lbs.
We've been playing most weeks now, sometimes twice a week, since April/May time and we've both seen improvements in our game. For me that means I am shooting less in the 90's and more in the 80's, on one memorable occasion a 79. Ian's improvement has been even more dramatic.
But to put that into context I have to explain why...
Ian is a good friend and a fantastic runner. Half-marathons, 5k, 10k are his thing. As a result, he is peculiarly skinny. Waif-like almost. On Saturdays, he does a 10k run in the morning while I am still in bed, scratching my balls and wondering if I can be bothered to waddle across the landing to have a shower. He then comes up here, will go out on a bike ride with the kids of several miles or maybe head off to the course with me for 18 holes.
This is where our disparity in physique and athletic ability is put more into context. On the golf course, Ian looks like a golfer, I look like a confused spectator with hot-dog OCD. Right up until we hit a ball...
Despite his fantastic running ability, Ian has the athletic grace and eye-hand co-ordination of a bag of cement. Watching Ian play golf isn't easy on the eye. Every movement, twist and turn has to be thought about and given that he seems to be particularly inflexible, it is almost as if he needs WD40 spraying liberally around his joints to effect any degree of fluid movement whatsoever.
Imagine a dyspraxic C3PO playing golf badly. You are about halfway there.
His swing hasn't been seen before in nature and as a result, when he started to play the game, he could not hit the ball far at all. His touch around the putting green made mine resemble Tiger Woods and he'd have been better suited with a set of Irons manufactured by Kenwood rather than Ping.
Teaching him the basics also proved problematic. Ian takes advice well, but is rarely able to act upon it. His mind is acutely aware of what he should be doing, he knows that in minute detail, however in translating it into actual body movements, he has that crucial lack of co-ordination required to swing the golf club in a smooth arc. There seems to be some form of physical block that disallows his body from doing any other motion than that of running.
However, unlike me, he has persevered. Doggedly sticking to what he knows and working hard at his game to improve and this year he has had some remarkable results. He has gone from shooting 160+ in his first ever round (yes I know...) to almost breaking 100 for the first time the last couple of times we have played. That milestone, I believe, will come sooner rather than later.
That is 60 shots improvement overall. With no help other than my nonsensical and contradictory advice, coupled with his own desire to succeed.
He has managed to manufacture a swing which, while ungainly and totally wrong in every sense of the word, works for him. He can now give the ball a good smack and get it 150+ yards on a decent strike, longer if he manages it with a fairway wood. His chipping around the green has massively improved and his putting, while still hit and miss, is more accurate than ever before. He doesn't hit the ball high in the air, but if you watched the Golf at The Open at St Andrews last week, sometimes that can be a big advantage and there is no rule that says the ball has to come down with snow on it for it to be a good shot.
Whatsmore, he is genuinely affable company. Last time we played, we only managed to get 11 holes in before the heavens opened and we dashed for the cover of the car. I was playing particularly badly, but playing with Ian means I have a laugh about it, rather than get unduly annoyed and end up breaking my sand-wedge against my bag. Whenever we go to golf, whatever we score, we always have a good giggle about it afterwards. That to me is what it should be about really, after all, we aren't playing for the money or the glory are we?
Anyway, we were looking at perhaps getting membership of a local course. We've played most of the municipal courses around here and we fancied a new challenge. We'd played two nice courses up in Scotland while away on holiday there in June and so we looked into it online at some of the many local courses on the Wirral.
Then I wished I hadn't bothered.
Golf has a reputation as an elitist sport. There is this idea that because many clubs insist on dress codes, collared shirts, tailored shorts that they are somehow stuffy and unwelcoming. To be honest, I felt this myself for a long time, but as I play the game more, I find that the clothes I am actually most comfortable in to play the game, are these clothes.
What is a barrier and elitist is the cost to play and the attitude of some clubs.
To join even a small 'cheap' club on the Wirral for a year, would cost me in excess of £700. That is £60 a month near enough. Not that you can pay monthly of course. Oh No, only some clubs allow that. On top of that some even charge a joining fee (which usually starts at £500). Then you have to pay for little extras such as the bar staff fund, Cheshire Golf Union Card, R&A subscription, Social Fund, Locker deposit and god knows what else.
I find that staggering. Especially when clubs are moaning that their membership numbers are dropping at alarming rates and it does make you wonder if clubs are less concerned with offering golf for all, or more with keeping the 'riff-raff' out.
However I must stress that this problem is peculiar it seems only to the Wirral. If I look at clubs in North Wales, membership there drops to around £300 - £400 per year, with no joining fee. £30 a month? That sounds about right to me for the amount I play. However joining a club in Wales for the year is pointless, for me to get the value out of it would require me to play it frequently. This would mean a great deal of travelling, which costs petrol money and considering I do my vast majority of golfing in the early evening, would render these trips pointless as it would be dark before I finished a round, even in the summer months.
Even joining the Municipal courses around here is over £500 per annum and with the parks set to be taken under private management shortly, I wonder how long it will be before these prices rise considerably. At least with this cost however, you get access to four courses, not just one. Though you don't get any of the other golf club benefits as far as I am aware.
So Golf on the Wirral finds itself in a rather unusual position. The game is crying out for more people to play it, Clubs want new members and yet on the Wirral, it seems many are unwilling to charge a fair price for that membership for fear of allowing "the wrong sort" of people to join.
Elitism is alive and well.
Which brings me back neatly to my first point. What would they make of Ian? Stood on the first tea, nudging the ball 150 yards down the fairway if he's lucky with a swing like a constipated Pelican juggling hand-grenades? Or me with my posh new clubs, fat arse and waddle who smacks the ball 300 yards, straight into the woods and who has been known to utter the expletive "Golly-Gosh! Oh Deary Me!" on occasion or, heaven forbid, use my mobile ón the course to contact my wife to come and pick us up.
We'd be cast out and to be honest, I'm rather thankful, as until the attitude changes, I'm happy sticking with the impoverished lot with our imperfect swings, uncultured attire, caps worn backwards and collarless shirts.
We may go to Golfing hell, but it seems entirely preferable to being a member in Golfing Heaven.
Rules may change, but attitudes are much more difficult to alter.
My friend Ian and I have been playing a fair bit this year. Losing weight and the resulting improvement in my back, has resulted in me replacing my trips to the fridge and sweetie shop, with trips to the course and driving range. This is indubitably more expensive, but while it is costing me £s it is saving me lbs.
We've been playing most weeks now, sometimes twice a week, since April/May time and we've both seen improvements in our game. For me that means I am shooting less in the 90's and more in the 80's, on one memorable occasion a 79. Ian's improvement has been even more dramatic.
But to put that into context I have to explain why...
Ian is a good friend and a fantastic runner. Half-marathons, 5k, 10k are his thing. As a result, he is peculiarly skinny. Waif-like almost. On Saturdays, he does a 10k run in the morning while I am still in bed, scratching my balls and wondering if I can be bothered to waddle across the landing to have a shower. He then comes up here, will go out on a bike ride with the kids of several miles or maybe head off to the course with me for 18 holes.
This is where our disparity in physique and athletic ability is put more into context. On the golf course, Ian looks like a golfer, I look like a confused spectator with hot-dog OCD. Right up until we hit a ball...
Despite his fantastic running ability, Ian has the athletic grace and eye-hand co-ordination of a bag of cement. Watching Ian play golf isn't easy on the eye. Every movement, twist and turn has to be thought about and given that he seems to be particularly inflexible, it is almost as if he needs WD40 spraying liberally around his joints to effect any degree of fluid movement whatsoever.
Imagine a dyspraxic C3PO playing golf badly. You are about halfway there.
His swing hasn't been seen before in nature and as a result, when he started to play the game, he could not hit the ball far at all. His touch around the putting green made mine resemble Tiger Woods and he'd have been better suited with a set of Irons manufactured by Kenwood rather than Ping.
Teaching him the basics also proved problematic. Ian takes advice well, but is rarely able to act upon it. His mind is acutely aware of what he should be doing, he knows that in minute detail, however in translating it into actual body movements, he has that crucial lack of co-ordination required to swing the golf club in a smooth arc. There seems to be some form of physical block that disallows his body from doing any other motion than that of running.
However, unlike me, he has persevered. Doggedly sticking to what he knows and working hard at his game to improve and this year he has had some remarkable results. He has gone from shooting 160+ in his first ever round (yes I know...) to almost breaking 100 for the first time the last couple of times we have played. That milestone, I believe, will come sooner rather than later.
That is 60 shots improvement overall. With no help other than my nonsensical and contradictory advice, coupled with his own desire to succeed.
He has managed to manufacture a swing which, while ungainly and totally wrong in every sense of the word, works for him. He can now give the ball a good smack and get it 150+ yards on a decent strike, longer if he manages it with a fairway wood. His chipping around the green has massively improved and his putting, while still hit and miss, is more accurate than ever before. He doesn't hit the ball high in the air, but if you watched the Golf at The Open at St Andrews last week, sometimes that can be a big advantage and there is no rule that says the ball has to come down with snow on it for it to be a good shot.
Whatsmore, he is genuinely affable company. Last time we played, we only managed to get 11 holes in before the heavens opened and we dashed for the cover of the car. I was playing particularly badly, but playing with Ian means I have a laugh about it, rather than get unduly annoyed and end up breaking my sand-wedge against my bag. Whenever we go to golf, whatever we score, we always have a good giggle about it afterwards. That to me is what it should be about really, after all, we aren't playing for the money or the glory are we?
Anyway, we were looking at perhaps getting membership of a local course. We've played most of the municipal courses around here and we fancied a new challenge. We'd played two nice courses up in Scotland while away on holiday there in June and so we looked into it online at some of the many local courses on the Wirral.
Then I wished I hadn't bothered.
Golf has a reputation as an elitist sport. There is this idea that because many clubs insist on dress codes, collared shirts, tailored shorts that they are somehow stuffy and unwelcoming. To be honest, I felt this myself for a long time, but as I play the game more, I find that the clothes I am actually most comfortable in to play the game, are these clothes.
What is a barrier and elitist is the cost to play and the attitude of some clubs.
To join even a small 'cheap' club on the Wirral for a year, would cost me in excess of £700. That is £60 a month near enough. Not that you can pay monthly of course. Oh No, only some clubs allow that. On top of that some even charge a joining fee (which usually starts at £500). Then you have to pay for little extras such as the bar staff fund, Cheshire Golf Union Card, R&A subscription, Social Fund, Locker deposit and god knows what else.
I find that staggering. Especially when clubs are moaning that their membership numbers are dropping at alarming rates and it does make you wonder if clubs are less concerned with offering golf for all, or more with keeping the 'riff-raff' out.
However I must stress that this problem is peculiar it seems only to the Wirral. If I look at clubs in North Wales, membership there drops to around £300 - £400 per year, with no joining fee. £30 a month? That sounds about right to me for the amount I play. However joining a club in Wales for the year is pointless, for me to get the value out of it would require me to play it frequently. This would mean a great deal of travelling, which costs petrol money and considering I do my vast majority of golfing in the early evening, would render these trips pointless as it would be dark before I finished a round, even in the summer months.
Even joining the Municipal courses around here is over £500 per annum and with the parks set to be taken under private management shortly, I wonder how long it will be before these prices rise considerably. At least with this cost however, you get access to four courses, not just one. Though you don't get any of the other golf club benefits as far as I am aware.
So Golf on the Wirral finds itself in a rather unusual position. The game is crying out for more people to play it, Clubs want new members and yet on the Wirral, it seems many are unwilling to charge a fair price for that membership for fear of allowing "the wrong sort" of people to join.
Elitism is alive and well.
Which brings me back neatly to my first point. What would they make of Ian? Stood on the first tea, nudging the ball 150 yards down the fairway if he's lucky with a swing like a constipated Pelican juggling hand-grenades? Or me with my posh new clubs, fat arse and waddle who smacks the ball 300 yards, straight into the woods and who has been known to utter the expletive "Golly-Gosh! Oh Deary Me!" on occasion or, heaven forbid, use my mobile ón the course to contact my wife to come and pick us up.
We'd be cast out and to be honest, I'm rather thankful, as until the attitude changes, I'm happy sticking with the impoverished lot with our imperfect swings, uncultured attire, caps worn backwards and collarless shirts.
We may go to Golfing hell, but it seems entirely preferable to being a member in Golfing Heaven.
Rules may change, but attitudes are much more difficult to alter.
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